Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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