why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
