Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
