In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
