guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
