new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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