i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
