somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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