I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
