If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
