That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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