dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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