She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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