His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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