In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
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No, it shouldn't. If it were me, the only face time you'd have to do with my dick would be the in-person kind, not the internet kind. And I'd leave it to you to put a smile on its "face".
You're hanging with the wrong people
yeah! make her work for it!