i think my tv is drunk
Send us your Text From Last Night!
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Sponge bath it is.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
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