I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
