I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
