There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
