Your dad touched me again.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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