he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
