if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My ATM looks so different sober.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
