if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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