if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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