Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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