he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
