i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
