Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
