I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
