Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
