even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
