So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She's the barista slut.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
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