I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
