I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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