my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
