After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
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btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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