she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
