Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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