I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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