The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
