Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
40s are totally the cure
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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