i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
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Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
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He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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