A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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