dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
