a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Mom said you looked used
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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