at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
