guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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