i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
