she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
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he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
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remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
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