my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
