There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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