i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
