I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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