I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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