my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize