My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize