I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
