3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
