the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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