Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
