is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
