you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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