if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
