my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
