I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
