A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
not ubering you a puppy
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
