We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
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