how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
