just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
