I need help removing her.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
