Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize