Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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