Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
