She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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