This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
