my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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