see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
