he puts the penis in happiness.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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