how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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