i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
