escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
