sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize