Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
