why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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