My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
