its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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