what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
