in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
